Haha Yaoi
by Nachtliches Feuer
Summary: A random Story about Sasuke and Itachi. Warning: Language. Itachi Random-Ness. Kisame hating. Lemon in Chapters I feel like putting it in.
1. Chapter 1

Sasuke burst into the room in nothing but a bow around His _Ding-A-Ling._

He quickly shut and locked the door, trying to keep His molester out, He had had all He could take and needed to get away before they could do more (sexual) experiments on Him.

After letting out a sigh of relief He turned to see which room He had ended up in. Red walls. Black carpet. Black furniture, and eight eyes staring at Him.

-----------

Dun Dun Dun!!

Whose eyes do they belong to?! O-o

Hahaha, bad place to stop I known, and it's pretty short. But I did it cause I want a curtain someone -coughJennifercough- to suffer in waiting!

I'll update soon.


	2. Chapter 2

Declaimer: I don't not own Naruto…Or anything else really.

Warning: Language. I guess I could warn you about the sex stuff as well. And the thing you should really be warned about is…DUN DUN DUN! …..Itachi, Why should you be warned about Him…well lets just say I warned you! -Frosty Glare!-

Couples: Itachi X Sasuke Sasori X Deidara Naruto X His hand I guess…Hahaha

OH YEAH!! I call Itachi Mr. Sticky, so you will so it every once in a great while.

Anyway….on with the story…

**ThereIsALineHereThereIsALineHereThereIsALineHereThereIsALineHereThereIsALineHere**

"Sasuke…Why are you naked?" came the curios voice of Kisame who was sitting on the ground leaning against one of the couches, an eyebrow raised.

"Hehe, Sasuke is bigger then I thought, un." Deidara giggled. He was leaning against Sasori who was sitting on the couch staring at Him.

"Cover yourself." Itachi said as He threw His Akatsuki cloak over His younger brother.

Sasuke's cheeks burned a bright red as He quickly covered Himself with the cloak.

"Eep, S-sorry…Naruto was…doing things to me again…"

"Kawaii!!" Deidara yelled as He glomped Sasuke, causing the both of them to fall to the ground, Deidara on top of Sasuke. Deidara pinched Sasuke's cheek, ignoring His attempts of getting away.

**RANDOM TIME!!**

_**(Warning: the things that will happen may give you a heart attack, be prepared for the unexpected)**_

"Deidara. Off." Itachi ordered as He glared at the blond. Deidara quickly got up and went back to the couch, whining to Sasori about 'not being allowed to play with Sasuke.'

Sasuke stood back up; glad Deidara was off of Him.

**Then…Out of nowhere…**

"Itachi glomp!!**(rawr)**" Itachi yelled glomping His younger brother, falling on top of the surprised Uchiha. Sasuke **(Along with every one else in the room)** had widened eyes, all of them almost dying from heart attacks.

**(Author Note: Ha-ha, I hope you reader people are like eyes wide, jaws on the floor "OMG Did I read that correctly" Or something fun like that. I would of made Itachi giggle as well but I was told that Itachi giggling would over do it, and reader people would probably die from the shock of Itachi being…Uke like…Ha-ha anyways back to the story. And No! Random time is not over…yet.)**

"Kawaii Desu." Itachi chuckled as He leaned His face close to Sasuke's, surprising them all again as He licked Sasuke's sore cheek. **(Caused by Deidara's pinch attack!)**

"Mmmm…you taste like Blueberries."

**(Why Blueberries? Well because Itachi taste like Cherries that's why!)**

**(Author Note, again: I really felt like ending the chapter here, but I decided to make it longer cause the last chapter was so short, so enjoy!)**

"Um…Itachi? What's gotten into you?" Kisame asked, worried His friend may have gone insane.

The older Uchiha glared at the shark** (fish)** like man and stood above His younger brother. "Nothing has gotten into me. Why would you ask such a thing?" Itachi asked as He continued glaring at Kisame. If looks could kill Kisame would surely be dead. **(Ha-ha! Die Kisame! Die! Um…I mean don't kill my poor Kisame...yea...)**

For a moment Kisame**(along with everyone else) **stared at Itachi in shock. After a while Sasori decided to speak up, "You just glomped your little brother, called Him cute, then licked Him and said He tasted like blueberries."

"I did no such thing!!" Itachi yelled as He stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind Him.

**ThereIsALineHereThereIsALineHereThereIsALineHereThereIsALineHereThereIsALineHere**

_We're going to move away from that for a little while, moving onto where Naruto is…Where ever His is._

"Sasuke! Get your ass out here!!" The annoying blonde known as Naruto shouted as He walked through the hallways of the Uchiha Mansion. Before the search had begun He was happily trying out His new sex toys on Sasuke. But things don't all ways go as you plan…

**_Flashback_**

"Naruto! Get these things off me!" Sasuke growled as He struggled to get the fuzzy pink handcuffs off His wrist. He had already been forced to try three other pairs of handcuffs and other sorts of restraints, He wasn't really sure what they where, but He knew He hated them all, especially the cock ring **(Ha-ha) **it made Him feel uncomfortable.

"I'll let you go if you try out this new _dildo _I got." Naruto said with an evil smirk. He knew how much Sasuke hated having experiments done on His body. **(Unless Itachi was the one doing them, Ha-Ha-Ha )**

"Fine! Just get them off!"

Naruto moved over to Sasuke and unlocked the handcuffs, placing the _dildo_ in Sasuke's hands. As soon as Naruto got up to put the handcuffs away, Sasuke jumped up and ran out the door, accidently slamming the door behind Him, catching Naruto's attention. **(…Sasuke dropped the _dildo _before He jumped up and ran)**

"Sasuke!! Get back here!!" Naruto growled angrily as He chased the young Uchiha.

**_End Flash Black_**

"Sasuke is going to regret running away from me…" the blonde grumbled as He wondered around the Uchiha gardens.

"Uzumaki." A voice from behind Him said, scaring the living shit out of Him.

**(Ha-ha, I love it – Living shit)**

**(Oooooh…who is it that scared living shit out of Naruto? Find out next time in…whatever this story is call…Ha-ha, I'm kidding of course, I still got a little more to type up.)**

The quickly turned around and looked up at an angry Uchiha **(Mr. Sticky. Duh)** staring at Him, sharingan activated. **(…Reminds me of Sailor Moon, Or maybe Pokémon, either way it sounds funny.)**

"Uh…Hey Itachi…Do you know where Sasuke is?" Naruto asked, scared of the older Uchiha. **(Mwahaha Naruto is scared!)**

"Do not do anymore of your **(sexual)** experiments on **MY** Sasuke! Do you understand?!" Itachi growled/yelled in a very possessive manner, scaring Naruto more then He already was.

"Y-yeah, sure, I understand, whatever you say!"

**Mr. Sticky loves His Sasu!**

--------

Ok, this is the real ending of the chapter, I need to think up the rest.

Please tell me your reactions on the whole Itachi glomp thing...I wanna laugh at them.

Oh, and tell me if it's annoying that I keep typing in random things **(The things in bold that show up lot)**

And no, if people say it is annoying I will not stop doing it, I have to put in my two cents.

Anyway thank you very much for reading and putting up with me


	3. Chapter 3

Ok! Welcome to the third chapter of my story! I'm sorry it took so long to update, I had trouble figuring out what should happen in this chapter. But anyways, Enjoy!

Declaimer: I do not own Naruto, although I wish I did…

Warning: Language. Itachi Random-ness.

Couples: Itachi X Sasuke

Sasori X Deidara

Naruto X His hand I guess…Hahaha

**ThereIsALineHereThereIsALineHereThereIsALineHereThereIsALineHereThereIsALineHere**

_**-Later that night, about 10 pm-**_

Sasuke's bedroom door burst open as Itachi skipped **(Yes, Skipped)** into the room, smiling happily.

"Sasuke-Kuuuuun!! Someone's here to…Sasuke?" Itachi looked around the younger Uchiha's room, noticing that Sasuke wasn't there. "Hmmmm…Where could little Sasu-Kun be hiding? Under here?!" Itachi wondered hopefully as He looked under the bed.

"How about in here?!" He looked in the closet.

"Under here?" He looked under the pillows on the bed.

"How about here?" Under a pencil.

"Here?" In the trash. By now Itachi was worried that He'd never find His brother, He moved over to the bookshelf, removing every book as He looked through them. By the time the bookshelf was empty Itachi had a couple tears on His cheeks. _'Sasuke's gone forever! He didn't even say goodbye.__' _Itachi hung His head in sadness, His Sasuke had disappeared and He didn't even get to tell Sasuke who was here to see Him.

"Itachi, there you are! I've been looking all over for you…Why is Sasuke's room a mess?" The owner of the voice asked as He walked over to where Itachi was standing. Itachi sniffled as turned to His friend, the tears still pouring. "K-kisame…S-sasuke is gone!" He cried as He latched on to the fish mans arm.

**(Author Note: Kisame is a shark and sharks are fish, Conclusion: Kisame is a fish)**

"Umm, what are you talking about? Sasuke is in the Kitchen." The blue fish freak thing replied, confused as to why Itachi would think Sasuke left Him. **(I mean seriously! Who in the world would leave Mr. Sticky? That's right! No one would!!)**

Itachi's tears magically disappeared when hearing that Sasuke didn't leave, He quickly hugged Kisame and skipped out of the room, off to find Sasuke. "Clean up the room!" Itachi commanded Kisame as He left, all of His previous sadness had disappeared, and He was showing so much happiness that it radiated off His body.

Itachi suddenly stopped, His happiness replaced with anger and annoyance and turned to walk back into Sasuke's room. As He entered the room He sent death glares at the blue man. "Kisame. Why are you here? I kicked you out hours ago!"

Kisame turned to face Itachi, slight fear showing in His eyes. "I, just, umm…wanted to ask you if you had…seen my pencil?" **(Such a bad liar)**

"Oh, you lost your pencil? Why didn't you just say so? Here, you can borrow Sasuke's pencil." The entire time Itachi had been speaking, a fake smile was on His lips. He walked over to the desk and picked up a random pencil. "Here, take this one!" He threw the pencil at Kisame's head.

"Ahh! Oh My God! That fucking hurts!" Kisame cried out in pain as the pencil landed in His eye. He ran out of the room, a hand covering His bleeding penciled eye. **(Hahaha, Bye bye fishy eye.)**

**ThereIsALineHereThereIsALineHereThereIsALineHereThereIsALineHereThereIsALineHereThereIsALineHere  
**

_**-In the Kitchen-**_

"Sasuke! Guess who is here to seeee you!!" Itachi giggled as He skipped over to Sasuke, who was currently sitting on the counter licking a lollipop. **(Cherry Flavored- Just like Itachi)**

Sasuke looked up at Itachi, His head tilted to the side. "Someone's here to see me?"

"Yup!"

"Who?"

"Mr. Sticky Jr.!!" Itachi cheered as He pulled down His pants **(He didn't wear no undies!)**, His erection **(AKA- Mr. Sticky Jr.)** popped up as if to say 'Hello'. Sasuke tongue stopped mid lick as He stared at 'Mr. Sticky Jr.', His face had turned completely red, and eyes were wide with shock.

**ThereIsALineHereThereIsALineHereThereIsALineHereThereIsALineHereThereIsALineHere**

Ok well, I didn't mean for this chapter to be so short, but I love the cliffhanger.

My sister is like '_Omg, what's going to happen next?! I don't know! The suspens__e is killing me! I need to know what happens.__'_

The next chapter should be up within a week **(No promises though)**


	4. Chapter 4

Welcome to the 4th chapter! Hooray! I know four chapters isn't that much, but it's a lot to me! Usually I'll type up half a chapter and give up on the story, so yay me!

Disclaimer: Mr. Frost does not own Naruto.

Warning: Language. Violence. Itachi random-ness. Evil/Perverted mama fish. Evil raccoon monsters (Shukaku). Sakura Bashing.

**ThereIsALineHereThereIsALineHereThereIsALineHereThereIsALine****Her****e****ThereIsALin****e****Here**

_"Sasuke! Guess who is here to seeee you!!" Itachi giggled as He skipped over to Sasuke, who was currently sitting on the counter licking a __lollipop._

_Sasuke looked up at Itachi, His head tilted to the side. "Someone's here to see me?"_

_"Yup!"_

_"Who?"_

_"Mr. Sticky Jr.!!" Itachi cheered as He pulled down His pants__His erection popped as if to say 'Hello'. Sasuke tongue stopped mid lick as He stared at 'Mr. Sticky Jr.', His face had turned completely red, and eyes were wide with shock._

**-Chapter 4- Hope you enjoy-**

Itachi smirked at Sasuke's reaction, the red face and the wide eyes, He even noticed a bit of drool on the corner of the younger Uchiha's mouth. He kicked His pants aside and pulled off His shirt as He walked over to His brother, who had yet to move. **(He's in shock)**

The now naked Itachi stood in front of Sasuke, smirk still in place. His placed His hand on the young Uchiha's inner thigh while leaning forward and licking the lollipop, still placed in front of Sasuke's mouth.

"Itachi!! Get your ass out here!!"

Itachi immediately stopped what He was doing, His eye twitched and He growled. He pulled away from Sasuke and walked over to His pants, pulling them on. "Sorry Sasuke-Kun...I got to go." And with that, He left.

**(Author Note: Ha****-****ha, who is the mystery person interrupting Sasu X Ita Incest time? Well it's a secret, you reader people will find out soon though, but not really soon, so don't hold your breath. Anyways**** back to the story.**

Sasuke sat on the counter, pouting. He didn't want Itachi to leave but whoever it was that interrupted them sounded angry and He didn't feel like dealing with angry people right now. Hopping off the counter Sasuke skipped out the door, heading over to the park to hang out with Gaara and Naruto. **(Uchiha's have a thing for skipping…makes them feel happy on the inside.) **

_-At the park-_

**(Author Note: Ok, well I just remembered that in the story it's about 11pm, ****And**** now I forgot why that was a problem…I have bad memory loss.)**

When Sasuke arrived at the park, Naruto was standing on the swing, shirtless and singing the Barbie song.

_I'm a Barbie girl_

_In a Barbie world_

_Wrapped in plastic,_

_It's fantastic_

_You can brush my hair_

_Undress me everywhere_

_Imagination,_

_Life is your creation._

**(Anyways…)**

Gaara was sitting against a tree near the swing set, a giant bag of cookies in His lap. As soon as Sasuke saw the cookies He ran over to Gaara and took them away.

"Gaara? How many cookies have you had?"

"What cookies? I haven't had cookies! WHY WOULD YOU THINK I HAD ANY COOKIES!!!" The last part the red-head had yelled and His eye was twitching. Everyone knew Gaara went crazy when He had cookies, after what happened with Kankuro and Sakura everyone had decided to band cookies from the village.

**Flash Back**

**(Author Note: The italicized speaking is Shukaku****. Also, ****the**** flash back is very long, I did not intend for it to be so long but you know, things happen.**

"Gaaaaaaaara!! Look what I have!" Kankuro called as He ran into Gaara's room, a tray of cookies in hand.

Gaara looked over at His older brother, an eyebrow raised in question. **(Well it would be raised if He had one)** When His eyes landed on the cookies He immediately stopped what He was doing. **(He was reading Twilight…Be jealous, be very jealous)** Sniffing the air the red-head stood up, never taking His eyes off the cookies. "A-are those Temari's double chocolate chip cookies?"

Smirking, Kankuro held the tray closer to Gaara so the red-head could get a better look at them. "Yup, fresh from the oven, they even got some extra chocolate in them."

_'Get a cookie __Gaara;__ you deserve to have the yummy chocolate.'_

"C-can I have one?"

"Nope. You know you're not allowed to have cookies." The older sand sibling pulled the cookies away from His brother, turning to leave.

_'Do not let Him leave without giving you a cookie!'_

"Kankuro. Give me a friggin' cookie!!" Gaara growled.

"Sorry, no can do."

_'Go on Gaara, use violence__, Do anything, and everything to get those cookies.'_

"RAWR!" Gaara um…rawred, as He tackled Kankuro. The cookies flew out of the brunets hand, **(Yay, flying cookies)** hit the wall across the hall then fell to the floor, most of them breaking. Kankuro yelped in surprised and hit the floor with a rather loud 'thud'.

_'Do it Gaara, punch Him, and make__ Him regret __not giving you a cookie__.'_

Gaara snarled and punched Kankuro repeatedly. Kankuro coughed up blood and begged Gaara to stop, saying He was sorry about the cookies.

_'Bite off His ear Gaara, make Him suffer.'_

Gaara chuckled at the suggestion as He bent down and licked the brunet's ear. Kankuro's eyes widened at the feeling of Gaara's tongue licking His ear, scared of what the red-head was going to do.

Kankuro cried out in pain as Gaara bite down on His ear, the cry turning into a loud scream when Gaara successfully ripping off the ear.

_'Good Gaara, just like that.'_

"Oh My God! Gaara what are you doing?!" Temari's voice called as She ran over to Her brothers.

_'Go on Gaara, tell Her what He did."_

"H-he brought cookies to my room, and wouldn't let me have any." Gaara moved off His brother and sat on the floor next to Him, looking up at His sister with big innocent eyes.

"So you ripped off His ear?!" She yelled angrily as She helped Kankuro off the ground.

_'Start crying Gaara, She'll stop yelling and leave to take Kankuro to the hospital.'_

Tears started to form in Gaara's sea green eyes. "I-I just wanted a cookie, t-they smelled so good." By now the tears that where in His eyes were running down His cheeks.

Temari only glared at Him, and just as Shukaku had said, left to take Kankuro to the hospital, leaving the ear behind because Gaara held it in His hands, refusing to give it to them.

_'Good job Gaara. Now you can eat the cookies.'_

Gaara looked over at the cookies and smiled, He could finally eat cookies and no one was around to stop Him. He crawled over to the cookies on the floor and ate all of them, licking His lips when He finished.

_'Where the__y__ good__, Gaara? Did you enjoy eating them?'_

Gaara nodded, an evil smile on His lips. "Yes, they where delicious."

_'Let's go for a walk Gaara, get some fresh air.'_

Gaara stood up and walked out the door, heading towards the park.

---

When Gaara got to the park He noticed there were a lot of people around, a fact He did not approve of.

"Hello Gaara! Have you seen Sasuke-Kun today? I can't find Him."

Gaara turned to the annoying pink haired whore and glared at Her. "Why would I know where Sasuke is? I don't keep track of Him! Why would you think I have a tracker on Him? I DON'T STALK HIM!!"

**(Author Note: Gaara's not a stalker. He admires from afar. Behind a sign. Ha****-****ha)**

"Um, Gaara? Are you ok? I didn't even say anything about stalking Him."

"Oh, you might not have said anything, but I know you where thinking it. I. CAN. READ. YOUR. MIND!!"

"What are you talking about? Did you eat cookies or something?"

"OMG! You have cookies and you're not sharing with me?!"

"I don't have any cookies!!"

"Don't lie to me!! Do you know what happens when to people that don't give me cookies? This is what happens!!" He threw Kankuro's ear at Sakura, hitting Her in the forehead with it.

"Ahh!! Why do you have that?!" She shook off the ear, backing away from the red-head.

"What's that? Sakura whore wants to be cremated? Well I think I can arrange that." Gaara smirked evilly as He pulled out a lighter and a can of gasoline. **(He's ****magical;**** He can pull things out of His ass)**

"What the hell!? Get away from me!!" She yelled as She took a couple steps back. Laughing, Gaara ran forwards and kicked Sakura in the stomach, causing Her to fall to the ground. **(BTW, ****everyone**** at the park is ****watching**** and their scared of Gaara in His cookie crazed ****state of mind)**The red-head poured the gasoline on Sakura's head, and using the lighter; He set Her hair on fire and watched as the flames moved to Her face, melting it. The whole time she was burning, Gaara was laughing.

"Gaara? What are you doing?"

Slightly startled, Gaara turned to the owner of the voice getting ready to burn them as well, but when He saw who it was He stopped and stared, stepping away from the burning whore.

"S-Sasuke, I was just, um…trying to get her cookies…"

"It doesn't look like she has any cookies."

"S-she's hiding them!!"

Sasuke sighed and shook His head. "You had cookies again didn't you?"

"What? No! I WOULD NEVER!!"

**End Flash Back**

**(They did get the fire out, but ****Her**** face is melted…It's an improvement)**

"Gaara. Who. Gave. You. Cookies?"

The red-head turned away from Sasuke, His arms crossed over His chest. "...Naruto…"

The young Uchiha turned to glare at Naruto, but the blonde wasn't there. **(Magical** Sighing, Sasuke turned back to Gaara and flicked Him in the nose.

"No more cookies for you."

"B-b-but there yummy."

"No." Sasuke walked over to the trash can and threw the cookies away.

Gaara crawled over to Sasuke, pouting. "Sasuke-Kun, Gaara-Kun wants cookies, cookies are yummy, cookies make Gaara-Kun happy, and doesn't Sasuke-Kun want Gaara-Kun to be happy?"

"Cookies make you go crazy. Why did Naruto give you them?"

"He said I've been a good boy and deserve to have cookies."

"Never eat cookies again, ok?"

"Don't tell me what to do!! You're not my mommy!!"

**(Author Note: Ok, well then, that was that. Now I'm moving the story back to Itachi and the person who interrupted Him and Sasuke, ****because**** I'm sure you reader people are wondering who it was.)**

_-The front of the Uchiha mansion-_

"What the hell do you want? I was about to have _sex_ with my _brother_ in the _kitchen_." Itachi growled, He really hated the women in front of Him. She looked exactly like Her son, blue skin, blue hair, and bright yellow eyes.

"You stabbed my son in the eye with a pencil!!"

"I did not, I threw a pencil at Him and it just happened to land in His eye."

"Why did you throw a pencil at Him?!"

"He lied to me, and was in my house hours after I kicked Him out!"

"…Why the hell where you having sex with your brother?!"

"I wasn't! You interrupted us before we could start!"

"Will you video tape yourself the next time you have sex with Sasuke?" The mama fish asked as She handed Him a video recorder. **(If you haven't figured it out by now the mama fish is Kisame's mommy.)**

"Only if you pay me, I won't do it for free."

"Yea, whatever." She took out Her purse **(Made out of a turtle)** and handed Him five hundred dollars. **(No wonder their ****rich;**** they sell porn Ha-ha-ha)**

**Ther****eIsALineHereThereIsALineHereThereIsALineHereThereIsALine****Her****e****ThereIsALine****Here**

Ok, Woo, Stuff happened in the chapter. I took a break from Sasuke and Itachi cause 1: I couldn't think of what could happen with them 2: I wanted to add Gaara and all His crazed glory. 3: I wanted to add a part with Sakura being injured.

Also-I was hoping you reader people could help me with the 5th chapter. I need _random_ ideas for well anything, it doesn't even have to make since, I just need something to work off of.

Oh yea, so far I've only gotten good reviews, **(Which I love)** but I would like some criticism. I want to know what you guys don't like about my story. I write it for you readers, so it does no good if you don't like it. No criticism about how I use my commas though, I know I over use them, but I can't help it, it just happens.

-So please review with, Ideas and criticism.

Mr. Frost


	5. Author Note

**Author Note:**

Attention people of the Fanfiction world! This story; _Haha Yaoi_ is being put on hold, I can't think of anything to happen in the story so there won't be updates for a while.I ask lots of different people for ideas, but I either didn't like the idea or they completely ignored the fact that I asked them.

I have started typing up the 5th chapter, cause I got a brief idea from a movie I was watching, but it isn't even worth putting up right now cause it's just a only about a paragraph long and nothing really happens.

Currently – I have been working on another story and I hope the 1st chapter can be up soon, it will be another yaoi story but it will not be a humor story (well it will be to me, but not others) and it will have lemon parts to it. I do hope it turns out to be a good story that lots of people enjoy reading.

Sorry to keep you waiting for an update.

**Mr.Frost**


End file.
